My Graduation Speech

I want to start by saying it’s an honor to be able to express myself for this ceremony.
When I first signed up for the Challenge Program, I came with an open mind to learn, but also with the lingering pre-conceived idea’s from negative things I’ve heard about the program block since I came to Canaan in 2008.

As much as my guys who were in Challenge tried to convince me to take the program, it just wasn’t my time.
But I knew that when I came over to the Challenge Program, it was with the intent to learn what I did not know to help reinforce a healthy lifestyle.

When I first heard about the tools of the program, with R.S.A.’s, the five rules of rational thinking, positive attitudes, criminal and cognitive thinking errors, it was a little intimidating. But at the same time I noticed how guys that have been in the program understood and learned them, so since I’m a pretty smart guy, I knew I’d comprehend them in time.

I came over here to challenge myself. I was excited to start my first book and proud of myself every time I handed one in on my count down to the final Transition book.

These were the goals I set for myself.
I wanted to graduate the program and become a mentor. I challenged myself to achieve these goals.

When I faced obstacles, mostly of my own creation, I used the tools that I’ve learned in the program to deal with them in a way that resulted in achieving my desired consequences.

An area in my life where the Challenge program has helped me the most is with communicating with my family, especially with my mother. She loves that I’m in this program and why wouldn’t she? Our family members and loved ones want us to do better for ourselves. I’ve found that using the program language with my mother when I notice she’s awfulizing or not being objective, or defiantly not using the 5 rules of rational thinking, I can bring it to her awareness and by attaching it to the program, she’s more receptive.

When I’ve admitted my faults while communicating with my daughters, I accepted responsibility, did the self-help up, got the feed back and then I explained that process I went through to my daughters. They respected and appreciated that I took these steps more than me just saying “I’m sorry I got upset.” This strengthens our relationship and that’s important to me.
Yes, I attribute that to what I’ve learned in this program.

Essentially it’s not about the program per se, it’s really about Challenging myself.
The program has given me a foundation of a format and structure to follow, designed to help and assist me with identifying the root cause of this prison experience I’ve created for myself.

That root cause is the way that I used to think.
My criminal thoughts were irrational, simply because they resulted in either my being in prison or death.
I knew that and still choose to entertain them.
I was blessed with prison, because I’ve now learned how to think rationally.

This did not happen over night, there were various stages of change.
For those of you who are new to the program, embrace the challenge to change.
No one expects perfection. But they do require progress in doing better with the choices and decisions that we make for ourselves. I can’t find fault with that, because I want better for myself.

When my beloved community members joke me about being “Programmed out,” I have no problem with proudly accepting that. I know who I’ve been and how my irrational thoughts attracted this 45 year sentence.
Entertaining cognitive and criminal thinking errors, do not produce my desired results.

Working on the journals, listening to seminars, and participating in the process groups helped me understand myself more and equipped me with the positive tools for my future.
I know who I am and I know all the potential I have. It’s the same potential all of you have if you choose to apply yourself by stepping up to this challenge. Please, don’t look at this as just another prison program. Look at it as an investment, investing in creating a better future for yourself.

Listen, I know that making a commitment to change is not an easy thing to do. I still and probably will always struggle with my attitudes and thinking errors, but that struggle isn’t as hard or as difficult as it used to be. I’m creating new thinking habits by thinking rationally.

In closing, I want to congratulate myself and fellow graduates whom I call the magnificent seven.
When our group first met, there were 28 of us and an individual who had previously been in the Challenge program, told us that only about 7 of us would make it up to this point.
Ironically, he was the first one that we lost from our group. But myself and Mr. Dixon automatically said, “I’m going to be one of those seven.” We set our goal and now we are both here.

We all helped one another through this process. That’s what this community is about. I’m grateful for the insight, self-discloser, feed back, and advice from all the community members and the treatment staff, Dr.Vogt, Mrs.B, Mr.Vogel, Mr.Schupper, and the true believer Mrs. Cook, thank you.

I’ll leave you with a simple quote from Jay-Z.
“Strive for what you believe in, set goals so you can achieve them!”
Jehovah!

Forgiveness

He was 5 years old when he killed his 2 year old sister, after finding a loaded shotgun behind their mothers bedroom door while playing cowboys and Indians.

Too often we hear or read in the news of children accidently killing other children and we may emphasize for 30 seconds or even a full minute of our time, but the impact of such a grave tragedy is most often disregarded.

Forty years of guilt and pain that this 5 year old carried was only ever eased with the use of alcohol and drugs. This mythology only increased his number of bad choices, which lead him to where he is now, USP Canaan, participating in the Challenge program, giving a seminar on how he finally learned to forgive himself for the devastating mistake he made as a child.

We project out ideas of ourselves in our personalities which are formed at such a young age that I truly empathized with his struggle. I could hear how much he’s suffered through life. That he finally came to the place where he’s found peace within himself is a good thing. The fact that he’s working to help others find peace within themselves through learning how to forgive is even better.

I’m a mentor in this Challenge program, which didn’t surprise anyone since I’m already known as the gangster turned Guru. My door is always open for positive spiritual advice and explaining the power of forgiveness is one of the re-occurring lessons that I share.

I’ve found that a lot of people have difficulties forgiving themselves because they don’t think that God would forgive them.

“I’ve committed a mortal sin!,” is frequently the type of rationale used to live in this eternal bondage of self-condemnation.

“God’s not worried about your little transgressions,” I often remark. My dignified, unconcerned way of disregarding the idea of this oppressive, tyrannical concept of God has resulted in a diverse number of reactions, that normally navigate the conversation towards explaining the unconditional love of God and logically making the segue to us all being worthy of divine forgiveness.

I’m not talking with guys that didn’t pay their taxes or may have robbed a local liquor store.

USP Canaan is a level 7 maximum penitentiary. This means that there is a maximum amount of God’s spiritual beings that have yet to recognize the essence of who they truly are.

To live that recognition is to be able to forgive. When you learn to forgive yourself, the burden of suffering is lifted off your shoulders.

Jesus clearly taught the healing power of forgiveness, explaining that we should forgive seventy times seven. That’s basically saying God’s unconditional love includes forgiveness, eternally available to us all, if we allow God’s love in our hearts.

http://www.change.org/freeEddieWright

#DoTheWrightThing

I’m sorry

I know I’ve been abusing our relationship.

I’ll admit, there’s no valid excuse.

I haven’t been giving you my time to show the type of love and freedom you’ve given me.

You’re always available, patiently waiting for me to engage you openly, honestly and unconditionally.

What’s hardest to accept is that I’m fully to blame. That’s a fact!

But we both know I don’t have a history of maintaining healthy relationships and if anyone understands the reasons for my dysfunctional ways, it’s you.

When we’re together we’ve laughed and cried as we travel through space and time. I’ve expressed the overwhelming shame of not being the father my children deserve, my failures as a selfish son who’s mother truly sacrificed her life for, my truancy as a husband and let’s not forget my derelict type of behavior on society.

Without judgment or condemnation, you love me for who I’ve been and who I am now, unconditionally.

You’ve helped me come to terms with life by healing the hurt and pain I’ve caused my family, society and most importantly myself.

At my lowest point, you gave me meaning and purpose when I thought I had none.

With you, I’ve been able to reach out and help others heal their hurt and pain with the difficulties in their lives.

Helping them is two fold because it also helps me.

But still I stray away for months at a time and when I show back up, your here.

No criticism.

No blame.

No accusations.

You’re just ready to continue from where we left off. I guess you’re fully aware I’m beat myself up for my inattentive behavior, especially since I know I’m at my best when I’m with you.

Happy.

Calm.

Peaceful.

Content.

So it perplexes me when I ignore our relationship.

When I stay away it may appear like I’m taking you for granted.

I’m not.

You have been the key to my freedom for over 17 years behind these penitentiary walls.

Knowing that you’ll always be here keeps me grounded, sane and gives me the strength and fortitude to carry on with a positive, hopeful attitude.

But you already know all of these thoughts and feelings I’m expressing because that’s how close our relationship is.

Still that’s no excuse for my neglect.

This letter is to acknowledge the appreciation and gratitude I have for our relationship.

I will strive to do better by committing more of myself to you and to us…

This gift of writing.

The best Christmas in 14 years!

Dec 30, 2018 at 11:36 AM

It was way too long. 

Over a decade since I had last seen my son. 

The fault was mainly mine. 

In his later, teenage wild out years, I couldn’t and didn’t want to risk my out spoken, take no shit, quick to throw a snap back to anyone that dares to make a disrespectful under the breath comment about his lifestyle. 

He proudly defends his crown of me labeling him the gayest man on earth. 

So for him to come to visit me at Canaan, one of the most violent penitentiaries in America, wasn’t a good idea for a number of different reasons at that time. 

Our weekly phone calls would have to do. 

Christmas 2018 happened to fall on a Tuesday this year, when I get my visits here at MDC Brooklyn where I’m still waiting to hear the outcome of my appeal. 

My son, along with his sister Nia and my mother were coming to visit. 

In our recent phone conversations, I asked him not to get too emotional with the tears. 

Drew of course, sticking to his true form, denied my request. 
“I’m just a very emotional person and I won’t be able to hold it back,” said with a flamboyancy I had no choice but to accept. 

Walking through the visiting room door, a surprised lump caught my throat as I laid eyes on my son, looking like he stepped off the cover of the GQ magazine. 

While he kept his cool, it was I that was struggling to hold back the flood of tears as we embraced and I gave my son a kiss. 

The time flew by and after another strong hug and kiss goodbye, I gave the same to my mother and daughter, then doubled back for a third hug and kiss, thanking Drew for this incredible gift to end the year with.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

‘…relevant to a broad spectrum of societal issues…’ Message from a reader!

Thank you for the opportunity to express my thoughts about Eddies’ book “Voice for the Silent Fathers”. These delicate father son issues, so implicitly captured in his writings, are relevant to a broad spectrum of societal issues beyond the “no son of mine” father of a gay man experience. In fact, the book gets to the real substance of human conflict which is our inability to accept and appreciate difference. The key word here is appreciation. The book offers an opportunity to consider acceptance in a way that extends grace, honor, support and recognition. When we are ungrateful, we are critical, blaming, and we use forms of rejection. Eddies’ experience of coming to the acceptance of his son provides hope for healing; a more practical response to conflict that allows dignity, respect and honor which overcomes criticism, blame, bigotry, and ultimately rejection. God bless you Eddie, and thank you for this healing message.~G. Holmes

#voiceforthesilentfathers