Book Review: If My People. Prayers for Healing, Hope & Restoration

It’s been some time since I’ve done a Gangster Turned Guru book review. It’s not that I haven’t been reading, just a lot going on. Most books I read right through, but others are meant for one to take their time with. “IF MY PEOPLE” ‘Prayers for Healing, Hope and Restoration,’ was such a book. There will always be situations that occur in life that appear to challenge one’s faith, so to have good resources to rely on in those trying times is important.
I started my day each morning reading a few prayers from the over 20 contributing authors, or should I call them Prayer Warriors, all with there unique voices. Believe me I know the power of prayer. Although the Gangster Turned Guru does not proclaim any religion to be the ONE religion of GOD, these evangelistic Christian Prayer Warriors have words of wisdom that will inspire and reinforce your relationship with GOD.
Minister Michelle Lee wrote “You didn’t send Jesus here to condemn us, but to save us.” How true and powerful that one line is for those that have eyes to see and ears to hear.
Amanda B. Sumiel wrote about the secret power of having an attitude of gratitude, “As I prepare for my day, I thank you for my family and friends, my pastor, and church family, a great job with an easy commute, finance, and good health.” That “easy commute” really stood out as so often we disregard the hundreds of blessings each day to focus on the one or two things that didn’t go as we thought they should, and waste more energy being negative, while neglecting the positive.
Terry Wedlock wrote, “My work with you will no longer be just about the situation right now. My faith knows, you already have that worked out.”These are the encouraging words to rely on, especially in this chaotic prison environment that I’ve lived in for over 18 years.
While reading “IF MY PEOPLE” I was often transported back in time as a young child going to my favorite Aunt Linda’s church ALL DAY SUNDAY! Aunt Linda is an OG of Prayer Warriors. And while reading “IF MY PEOPLE” it triggered happy memories that I thank God for. There are moments in life where you can feel defeated, and can’t find the words for prayer….that’s how I was feeling when the words of “IF MY PEOPLE” found me.
For this gift, I give “IF MY PEOPLE” 5 Gangster Turned Guru stars!

Parenting From Prison

It’s hard being a parent from prison. Especially realizing the devastating effect the unforeseen consequences my actions had on my children, particularly Nia, who was only 45 days old when I got arrested over 17 years ago.

While my other children experienced “Dad” being home for birthday parties, Disney trips, soccer games and more, Nia was robbed of all those monumental memories.

I’ve worked hard to insure she knows her value as my daughter and as a strong black/Hispanic woman.
I’ve tossed and turned at night, fearing the “Daddy” issues she’d suffer because of my absence.

When we talk, she listens to me and I listen to her.

I always knew my older daughter Alexa would head to college because she was top notch in school and I was super proud when she recently graduated.

But Nia….reminding me so much of myself, I was content with negotiating her promise to graduate high school.
So when Nia told me that she finished writing her college application letter, I was overwhelmed with a mixture of emotions. When she told me she received her first college acceptance letter, I’ll admit I was a little surprised.

But I shouldn’t have been.

“Can you please send me this letter you wrote?” I asked Nia, after congratulating her for this achievement.

Dear reader, while sitting at the computer at a level 7 maximum penitentiary, reading Nia’s college letter, I found myself loosing the battle from the flood gate of tears and I cared not who saw.

I would like to share Princess Nia’s college application letter with you.

FROM MY DAUGHTER

Recent estimates show that 2.7 million US children have a parent who is incarcerated. Being a child of that statistic was and still is difficult, yet it doesn’t define me. My father was incarcerated before I was born. People say you can’t miss what you never had, but I never agreed with that. Even though I never spent a “typical day” with my dad I have spoken with him every day on the phone.
I grew up with my mother, grandmother, and older sister. They always told me to not discuss my father’s situation. I remember my mother always telling me, ¨nobody needs to know where your dad really is¨. What I was told about him was that he was a great father. He took in two of my older half-sisters and treated them as his own. To me he is a great father, but in a different way than they experienced. He always listens to me, and gives me fatherly advice. I understand him and he understands me. We have an unbreakable bond. As a little girl holding a big secret like that was hard for me. To see my friend’s fathers pick them up after school attending father-daughter dances and cheering their kids on at the winter concerts year after year. I always had this emptiness in my heart when I would see that because that was something I never experienced. Something I missed out on. Something I can never get back in life. This made me grow up faster. I learned how to deal with my emotions and become resilient no matter how difficult and challenging life is.
During my high school years, it became harder to face all the obstacles in my life not only with my father but being a Hispanic and black teenage girl in a predominantly Caucasian school. In 9th and 10th grade, I started making some decisions that could’ve turned me down a bad path. I started to become friends with people who did not care about my best interests. I was angry at the world I started not to think about the consequences of my actions. I was getting into fights in school, sneaking out and failing my classes, my family was always trying to put me in behavioral programs signing me up for outreach programs and therapy as if I couldn’t control my behavior fearing that I would end up like my dad, what they did not know is that I was acting out because I lost sight to everything that was important to me I guess u can say I was struggling with depression. After all those programs and sessions its started to become tedious and I started to regret making all those bad decisions I had made. As 11 grade started to creep up on me I knew that I needed to rethink how I want my future to unfold, how important it is try hard in school and get good grades because my future depends on it. I’m glad both me and my dad were able to bounce back from all situations no matter how big or how small. He achieved so much great things all while behind bars he is an author, published 2 books which were amazon’s best-selling, and was a mentor to other people who have yet to find their best selves in life. Seeing my father go over all those obstacles made me rethink my obstacles in life, there is always time to turn your life around no matter how difficult things can be, There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to figure out how to get there. Being accepted into college would really help me discover myself and who I wanna be in this world I want to serve a purpose in my life by helping people as much as I can just like my father is doing while he serves his sentence, and I hope I can do that with the career pursue, I want to make my father proud show him that just because he wasn’t there for me I turned out okay and that I’m doing everything I can to succeed in life the right way. I want to show my family that I am in fact my father’s daughter just like him, I did make mistakes during my 9th and 10th grade but those mistakes do not define me as the person i am today.

Gangster Turned Guru Presents: ‘And so it begins!’

This young Haitian guy Stevie, but calling himself Hyena, came back to the unit after spending 40 days in the hole.

He’s 21 years old but when I tell you he looks like he’s 12, I mean it. He’s shorter than my 13 year old daughter and weighs about 100 pound soaking wet. If we were free in the world together, I’d take him right to my Princesses middle school to beat up all the little boys that want to be her boyfriend.

Hold up, that was the over protective father, triggering my past gangster mentality taking over.

Anyway, Hyena lost his mother in the earthquake that devastated Haiti and came to live with his uncle in Brooklyn. It didn’t take long for the lure of the streets to take hold and he’s since found himself as a member of the Cripps.

Charged with armed robbery, the Feds offered him 10 years on a plea deal.

He came to my cell, asking me for advice.

“Eddie, ten years is like life,” he said with his strong Haitian creo accent.

“That’s how it seems now, but your young, you’ll be all right. Take that!”

“You say that like it’s nothing because you have over 13 years in already.”

“No” I corrected, “I say it like it’s a good deal and if you think about going to trial, they’ll knock your head off with twenty years or more.”

“Well, I’ll go to trial and they’ll have to give me that!” He said.

I’ve heard this argument many times before and I recognize it as the fear talking.

I also understand that he’s looking towards me for advice because he’s scared for his life.

“Hyena, your running around on gang time. You just got out the hole and your chasing the next high smoking all that K-2.”

“I been a Crip before I came to the Feds and I’m Cripping until that day I die. I get high all day cause there’s nothing else to do.”

“There’s plenty to do. Your not making the choices to do it.” I said continuing, “You have to want better for yourself and that means you’ll have to do change.”

“Change for what? They want to give me 10 years!!” He said leaning forward in the chair, running his hands through his mini-afro.

“First of all, if you start changing now, you won’t loose your good time and you’ll be home in like eight years.”

“Eight years!!”

“Listen, this is what comes with the lifestyle your choosing, so get used to it. You want to be a gangster, bust your gun, wave your flag while throwing your little hand signs, then be prepare to do more time after that because you’ll either be killed or come back to prison, those are the consequences.”

“I want like two or three years,” he said like he didn’t hear what I just told him.

“That’s easy to say but the way your thinking and the actions your taking in here are attracting a different result. Take that little bitty 10 years, hopefully it will be enough time for you to wake up and live your true potential.”

Standing up, offering his hand, shaking his head he said, “Man, you say take 10 years like it’s nothing. I can’t hear that right now.”

“You don’t want to hear it, but I speak the truth to the youth!” I said as he turned and walked out my cell.

As much as I would like to grab Hyena, sit him back in the chair and talk to him until he’s ready to change, I know that he has to want better for himself first.

He has no idea that the patterns of thoughts he’s entertaining are setting the laws of attraction in motion to draw his experiences.

He’s convinced himself that he’s a Crip in his mind and speaks without understanding that our words have the power to become the results of what’s spoken. Hyena can’t see the logical conclusions of the path he’s currently on and when I was his age, neither could I.

I try to discourage those headed on that path, but in the mist of doing time, it’s a difficult barrier to conquer.

Instead of focusing on how much time I’ve done or have to do, I pay attention to what I’ve accomplished and my future goals.

Right before we locked in that night, I passed Hyena my “Day in the life with coffee and Paradise” book.

He gave it back this morning, having finished it since it’s only 30 pages.

“Does life really work like that?” he asked.

“That’s a question you should be able to answer if your honest with yourself. Think back to how you were thinking in the past and what lead to where you are now.”

“I like the way you break all that down with the laws and principals. Do you have something else to read?”

“Of course.”

And so it begins.

 

#eddiekwright

#voiceforthesilentfathers

#gangsterturnedguru

#fathersonrelationships

#unconditionallove

#inmateauthors

#blackauthors

#mwrightgroup

#TBT… A funny little story.

Over six years ago, sitting in my cell at United States Penitentiary Canaan, drinking a fresh cup of hot instant Columbian coffee, flipping through a Hamilton book catalog, I noticed in the gay/lesbian section a book titled “The History of Homosexuality” and thought ‘this would have been a good reference book for Voice for the Silent Fathers’ which I was brainstorming at the time. My friend Paradise walked in and saw the section the catalog was open to and asked: “What’s up? You doing some research for the book about your son?” 

“I’m thinking about it, not really sure if I’m going to need it but look, they got a book called “The History of Homosexuality.” I said as I passed him the catalog with my finger pointing at the specific title and small picture of the books cover. 

“Well it has history, their talking about it in the bible.” he said.

“Yeah and there’s probably some interesting facts that people know nothing about that I can write about.” 

“So order it Eddie.” 

“Hell no!! Could you imagine at mail call with the whole Unit crowded around waiting for their names to be heard, knowing most of them are just being nosey since they haven’t received mail in years, seeing me receiving a book on Homosexuality in here of all places!!! Nah not going to happen” I said. 

“That’s research for you sons book. If someone says something out their mouth, I’ll stab’em in the neck.” he said in all serious, lifting up his shirt revealing two long steal ice pick style prison shanks. 

“Paradise, that’s exactly what I don’t want.” 

“Man fuck that. I’m going to order the book for you in my name.” 

“You don’t have to do that dice.” 

“Eddie, I’m doing it. As a matter of fact, your birthday is this month, so it’s my gift. Say no more.” 

One thing I knew…Paradise keeps his word, having been locked up about 15 years of a double life sentence. He’s also burnt out and knows it. He would not hesitate stabbing anyone in the neck and left the cell, walking directly to the computer with the catalog, typed in the information, printed out the money release form and it was ordered. 

We knew it would take about two weeks until it was time to look out for the mail but just as we hit the two week mark, the prison went on an institutional lock down when this guy Joey, who was one of John Gotti Jr’s co-defendants was found stabbed to death. 

During that lock down, mail is delivered individually to our cells so I figured at least we won’t have to go through any awkward situations when the book gets delivered. laughing to myself imagining what the correction officer that inspects the mail must have been thinking when he read the title and who it was going to. And what about the Unit officer who’s delivering it right to Paradises cell. I know I’m about to be joking Paradise about that, especially since out unit c.o. at the time was a big gay officer that had no shame about being gay either. 

Well the joke ended up being on me because once Paradise received this extra big book with the title printed in huge block letters and a clearly flamboyant homosexual man on the cover…the first thing he told the big gay officer is “Take this to cell #118, it’s a birthday gift for Wright.” 

I told you he’s burnt out!! 

The nest thing I know is the unit officer is tapping my cell window signaling me over, as he opened the food slot.

“What’s up?” I asked

Looking at me with his goggling eye stare he said “I have a birthday present for you” as I grabbed the book he slid through the slot. 

When I realized what it was, I just looked up at him, blushing a little at a loss for words and then he leaned closer to the door whispering ” You trying to tell me something?” batting his eye’s with a flirtatious smirk. 

“Nah!! I’m just doing some research for a book I’m writing.” 

“Sure. Right.” locking the slot winking his left eye, “Research” he said turning walking away. 

Now I was the one being joked by my cell mate at that time, but I read the book front to back learning a lot of interesting things that I wrote down. As soon as we came off lock down, Paradise came to my cell asking about my birthday gift, laughing as he said “You like how I sent the book down with the C.O.?” 

“Yeah Paradise, you could have waited until after we came off lock.” 

“Nah, I figured you needed something to read.” he said with a funny smirk on his face, then asked “what did the c.o. say?” 

“Nothing, let’s just say we shared a moment and leave it at that.” I said with a small chuckle. 

It’s funny because every time I would see this officer, who used to pay no me no mind at all, nods his head and say’s “Wright.” 

I just respond with my “How you doing?” and keep on moving. 

This was just one of the many funny things that occurred during the process of my writing “Voice for the Silent Fathers” and wanted to share it with my readers.
#voiceforthesilentfathers

Available now at http://www.voiceforthesilentfathers.com