From: WRIGHT, EDDIE
Jun 26, 2016, 1:06 PM
When I first sat down to write this post, right after reading this article about a father who refused to claim his son’s body after he was killed in the Orlando Massacre at club Pulse, my outrage, anger, and disgust for this father who was causing more hurt and pain to his son’s family and friends was clear in my explicit word expression because…..I was mad as hell.
My blood was boiling as visions of a young mans body, alone in the morgue just waiting for his loved one’s to put him to rest flashed in my minds eye. I was livid and had to step away from what I was writing when I noticed how upset it made me.
I went and got a fresh cup of coffee, collected my thoughts, took a few deep breath as I read over what I originally wrote and then I started over.
I already know that plenty of people are going to post comments expressing their outrage at this fathers actions and more of the same from me wouldn’t help. So by the time I finished my coffee and calmed down, returning to my spiritual center, I realized this is one of those fathers I posted about a few weeks ago who won’t get the chance to heal the relationship with his child.
So now from my Gangster turned Guru perspective, I began to feel sad for this father, and all fathers who couldn’t overcome their own prejudices and fears by learning to love unconditionally. I’m sure this fathers son would rather I use this opportunity to again encourage father’s to reach out to their children and work on healing their relationships. If ever there was a time to offer your parental comfort it’s NOW.
I’ve been the master of bad choices and decisions as a parent, and with my life in general, I can admit and accept that. But when I got over my self-righteous, egotistical, know it all way of thinking, swallowed my macho man pride by letting my son know that I love him unconditionally, weather he’s gay, straight, transgender or what ever… A great peace, joy and happiness was felt within my soul.
I realized that with all my imperfections as a father, my son never stopped loving me even when I didn’t make it easy to be loved.
Each time I send out a post expressing the importance of our parental love, acceptance and support, I do it with the specific intent of reaching that father I used to be. Confused, alone, struggling with accepting what I couldn’t understand and didn’t want to understand. But what I did want was to have the courage to be the type of loving father I promised to be when I first held my son, looking into his eyes, silently letting him know that he could always depend on me. I broke that promise plenty of times, but life gave me another opportunity to live up to it and I try my hardest even in my complex situation.
I’m really trying my hardest now to come up with the right words to write that will wake up these fathers that are actually hurting inside, especially with a heart so cold that it allows a father to leave his child’s body unclaimed. No he doesn’t need another person to scold him for his actions, what he needs is a hug because he’s hurting and suffering from a broken heart.
I speak as a father that went through it and it’s going to eat him from within until he’s healed. It’s harder to do that now that he’s son has moved on but I’m sure that’s what his son would want. There are always opportunities to make amends, the first step is to stop causing more hurt and pain. I said it before and will probably say it a thousand times, making peace with my son by giving him my unconditional loving support to live his life in which ever way makes him happy was one of the best things I could do as a father. I hope others parents have the courage to do the same.
Eddie K. Wright aka Gangster turned Guru.