First off, I would like to thank you for supporting a great project that is not only near and dear to my heart but a project that not many have been willing to tackle.
Growing up is hard as it is in this day and age. Add growing up as a homosexual, makes life ten times harder. As a child all we ever want to do is love and be loved by our parents, but for most of the LGBTQ community simply being accepted by our loved ones is at the top of that list of things we want to achieve in life. Growing up gay and not knowing how to feel was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in life. Adding to that my feelings of abandonment and self-loathing only made matters worse.
As far back as I can remember, my father and I have had a rocky relationship and all I’ve ever wanted was to be the son that he could love but at the same time be the man I wanted to be, which was a proud gay man. This was and still is no easy task, especially having a gangster as your father.
I always knew deep down that my father resented my being a gay man. Growing up with that knowledge can really do damage to one’s self esteem and outlook on what love is. From the abandonment of the one who is supposed to shield you from all the harm in the world to watching him play daddy to a whole new family and trying to accept it was hard for me to come to terms with as a child. But now, at the age of 25 I’ve learned how to cope and accept the cards that this life has dealt me and through this book I have been able to, with my father, heal wounds that I had thought were bound to be open for the rest of my life.
As I received random chapters of the book from my father I realized that many of my wounds were never healed, but instead buried deep in the back of my mind, resurfacing as I was reminded about different phases of our life together. Trust me reading all the hateful things your own father had to say and think about you is no easy task. Especially knowing he wanted to share these things with the world. There were many times I could barely get through a few sentences without calling my aunt Mimi crying my eyes out going through every possible emotion all at the same time. I imagine it wasn’t easy for him to come face to face with these issues. But through reliving these events and talking about them with each other our relationship as father and son has grown stronger than ever and I can’t wait for him to come home so we can continue to heal and grow together. I do hope you enjoy this book as much as I have, and remember, all we ever want in life is to love and be loved by those we care most about in this world.
Drew, The gayest man my father has ever known.